92 Reasons to Celebrate

Mom has been on this earth for more than nine decades! She turned 92 yesterday.

Ever since I can remember, birthdays in our family were celebrated with unabashed abandon. Mom always found a way to assert why this birthday was so special.

I remember turning five and Mom giggling as she announced that I was now officially "a handful." At 13, I was bestowed the coveted title of teenager. 16 came with the promise of the freedom that only a driver's license could bring. 21 was when the true magic of adulthood began. 30 meant I'd survived the hardest decade of my life and was about to really start living. At 40, Mom insisted I had "grown into myself" and that the best was yet to come.

She was right...about everything.

Including the many reasons to celebrate every milestone. The numbers changed each year, but the enthusiasm never did. She made every birthday special.

There were money cakes—a homemade cake with coins carefully wrapped in wax paper and tucked carefully between layers of sweet icing. If you found the toonie, you were destined for a very rich year. If you found the penny, you were reminded that good things came in small packages... and denominations.

Then there were our annual birthday phone calls.

Every year, at exactly 2:15 pm -- the moment she went into labour with me -- my phone would ring. She'd laugh and thank me again for being so thoughtful to wait until recess before beginning my journey into the world so that she could finish teaching her class and then head to the maternity ward. Then she'd launch into her list of my accomplishments -- starting with my climbing onto the top of the toilet at 12 months. Apparently, all achievements were worthy of praise.

Mom believes every day is worth celebrating.

She doesn't just celebrate birthdays. She celebrates Tuesdays, sunny days, surprise visit days, and ordinary days that most of us forget.

A few weeks ago, while I was away, my daughter visited Mom several times. When I thanked her for taking the time, she simply said, "I like to go. Sometimes I just need some Grandma energy."

I understood exactly what she meant.

Mom's energy generally means beings reminded how brilliant you are, how kind you are, how capable you are, how beautiful your shoes laces are. She's like a free life coach who sprinkles stardust with a shovel.

Dementia - and living more than nine decades - has changed many things. Mom is often in a wheelchair and lives in a reality that is often different than ours. She is in constant pain. Arterial disease leaves her legs swollen and uncomfortable. Kidney disease causes daily discomfort. Arthritis in her spine, hips and knees makes sitting painful and walking difficult. She struggles to breathe and often tells us she is "so very tired."

Today, and every day, we celebrate her beautiful soul.

Even with all the changes, it's impossible to forget when the house felt warmer and every gathering became more joyful simply because she was in the room.

Her body and mind may be weak, but her ability to make others feel loved, confident, and celebrated remains remarkably strong. I hope she knows that the greatest gift she gave us wasn't the birthday cakes or the phone calls but teaching us that every person - and every day - should be celebrated.

I knew she won't remember the cake, the singing, the presents, or the laughter once we left her party. The details of the celebration will be gone. But in the moments we were together, I know she felt loved, beautiful, safe...and celebrated.

Today, and every day, we celebrate this extraordinary human. Happy 92nd Years of Living to the Queen of Celebrations!

Lessons Learned

• Birthdays are never "just another day." Taking one day each year to make someone feel truly special is one of the greatest gifts we can give. We all deserve at least one day when the people we love remind us why we're so loved.

• Celebrate every single day. Oh heck...why wait for birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays? Knowing you're loved and appreciated on an ordinary Tuesday is just as important as hearing it on a milestone anniversary.

• Go beyond saying "Happy Birthday." Take a few extra moments to tell someone why they matter. Those words often become the gift people remember long after the candles have been blown out.

• Happy moments always matter. I've heard too many people say, "Why bother? They won't remember." That's true. They won't... but you will and shared experiences don't have to be committed to memory to have value. People living with dementia experience joy in the moment. Feeling loved and being happy in as many moments as possible matters.