Seeing Ourselves Through the Eyes of Those Who Love Us Most

I never stop being surprised by things Mom says.

For the past couple of weeks, Mom's been asserting that she needs to find her purpose. I get it. I've been searching for the same thing myself lately.

Not being one to shy away from a solution-seeking mission, I thought some reflection on past accomplishments might be helpful. So, I asked her what she was most proud of.

Her response was not what I expected.

Before answering, she sat up a little taller, looked a little prouder, and did a less-than-graceful butt wiggle. With a sparkle in her eye, Mom gleefully declared she was most proud of winning a gold medal in the Junior Olympics!

I’m not exactly sure what the Junior Olympics are. However, I do remember her saying many times in the past that she was 15-years-old when she ran -- and won -- the 100 m dash and that she had done so in borrowed shoes. I believe the medal was accompanied by a mug shot of our star athlete in the Toronto Star.

Trying to gracefully recover from the blow to my ego after learning that I was not at the top of her list of accomplishments, I did an uncomfortable butt wiggle of my own then asked if she wasn’t proud of raising three very successful children? Of being married for 60+ years? of building a community tennis club and its robust development programs? of renovating a century farmhouse to a Better Homes and Gardens standard of glory? of having educated and inspired thousands of children?

Mom looked at me. Blinked. Laughed. And, said, “well, I guess running might pale in comparison to a few of those.”

Let's circle back.

Because she is often on a 10-second loop these days, it didn’t take long until we circled back to running, gold medals, and the glory days of 75-years ago!

Still nursing my pride at not being on the podium of her life achievements, I asked Mom why she cherished winning the medal so much. My expectation was that she would say she worked really hard, or perhaps that she had earned the respect of the other kids with her talent and skill, or that she was a decorated and celebrated athlete.

Nope. Wrong again. The reason she loved winning the gold medal was because it meant she got to “hang out with some pretty swanky people”. I guess even after 90 years on this earth you can still have insecurities and need to be liked by the cool kids. Ick!

I am her #1 fan and not one to give up easily, so...

I tried, one more time, to turn this into a positive, praise-worthy moment for her and asked, “don't you think they'd want to be near you and would feel honoured to hang out with a champion? A gold medalist, no less?”

Strike three! She looked at me like I was a babbling idiot and assured me I was absolutely wrong.... again. She then went on to name all of the swanky kids whose company she had craved as a teen. She described their accomplishments in great detail and noted how they were so kind to allow her into their illustrious circle. While I appreciated hearing accolades about all the cool kids, I also cursed those who made my spectacular Mom feel inferior.

We were always taught to explore our interests, expand our talents, and be proud of who we were. Mom gave us the courage to take chances and be ourselves -- regardless of the opinions of others. How is it that she didn't have that same confidence in herself?

Maybe she was so determined to bolster our self-esteem (and that of so many others), because she didn't feel liked, respected, and loved by others. I know she always had doubts about herself. I truly hope this hypothesis is wrong because she was adored by anyone who knew her.

Mom always finds the best in other people.

I think Mom's most endearing quality has to be her remarkable ability to help people see the best in themselves. She throws out compliments like confetti. I've seen stern professionals on her floor blush and giggle with happiness when she tells them how much she loves their gorgeous smiles. Staff come up to me regularly saying how Mom always comments on their outstanding outfits (which are generally scrubs) and linger near her waiting for their daily pick-me-up compliment. I am often stopped in the halls and told how what Mom said to another resident earlier in the day made them sparkle.

Kind words about others come easily to Mom. Accolades flow from her lips and are punctuated by her genuinue and generous applause, smile and touch. I think making others feel beautiful and loved is Mom's true and, infinitely valuable, purpose.

Words to live by

I heard a brilliant quote last week. I'm sure it's not new, but it was new to me. It goes something like ….. I wish everyone could see themselves through the eyes of the people who love them the most.

Wouldn't that be the most wonderful way to see ourselves!

Lessons Learned

• Never assume you know how someone else feels or what is most important to them.

• Even 90-year-olds have insecurities.

• Offering praise, compliments, and reassurance is a gift we can - and should - all offer.

• Celebrating our glory days can make us feel proud and young again and that is worthy of a little butt wiggling.